Summer's ending

I feel that this summer ended on a great note; not an easy one, but one filled with accomplishments and healing.

to recap the summer's ending.... I was able to go an another paddling with two fellow guides, Justine, and Stacie... it was incredible. We started out on a night paddle and went to the first campsite on our Jervis route called Two Bear. That night paddle was incredible, so serene and peaceful. The sky was clear and gorgeous and the bio-luminescence was incredible! The trip was two nights and as a whole it was just refreshing. It was nice to adventure with those two amazing girls and to allow ourselves to rest in the simpleness that this kind of camping provides with the amazing view that the Jervis Inlet provides. We read, ate very well, rested, and adventured, one that found us a bunch of animal prints such as a bear, and the jawbone and vertabrae of a bear. It was pretty neat!

When we returned we began to pack everything up to be stored for the summer. I put it off as much as I could. The idea of leaving that community and the opportunities available was something that I didn't want to grasp. We had a great farewell dinner to Egmont and spent some time in communion and in thankfulness for what we had and endured for the past few months. Soon after that we spent the last two weeks at the mountain base camp helping close everything for the duration of the year. We worked pretty hard and consistently, but it was encouraging to be with our fellow mountain guides and to be able to hear their summer stories.

I love mountain base camp. So simple.. and the work projects and routine, were actually something I enjoyed and I think, needed. It was hard for me to leave base camp and as we were on our water taxi headed back to Egmont, and then on the ferry to start the journey home, all I could think of was how excited I was to return.

I really hope I was able to walk away from this experience transformed. The experience wasn't what I expected and that was a huge frustration, but I hope that I was able to serve and love well. I know that God provided quite a bit of healing to me, and maybe some direction.... I'm still processing this. But, I do hope that whatever I encountered and whether it was conquered or laid to rest, is something that does change me and cause me to be that woman of God I strive to be. A lot has happened in my life since returning from Canada and it's only been a few months.... I am so thankful for where God has placed me and I love my friends, and I'm excited about what lies ahead. I do though, need to continue to remind myself and actually do spend time listening, reading, and actively seeking God. I do have to admit it's hard to do that here in the chaos of "normal" life, but it's part of the journey, and I'm thankful for where I am and what I have

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Guiding...

So I feel as if I have a lot to update everyone one so I'll do so within a few new posts... First of all:

I guided a trip! Woohoo!!! My ankle healed enough to allow me to co-guide our last co-ed trip. Such an experience! There were four guides in all which is unusual as guide teams mostly consist of only two people. But, with not as many trips as normal this summer it was important to get as many guides out as possible.

The trip was good, and the participants were great. The age range of the participants was 15-25 such a vast difference especially when incorporating biblical content/studies into a week-long adventure. Oddly, one of the younger participants was an old camper of mine from Warm Beach Camp so that was a surprise.

It was great to finally get out there and attempt to put skills learned to practice. I felt the guiding experience was pretty humbling as I was still learning quite a bit and communication and guiding overall was a little more difficult with three other people involved. But, the trip was amazing, the participants were great, and I really feel that a lot of us came away from the experience having more insights into ourselves and our faith in Christ.

I really enjoyed being able to get to know the particpants while paddling and seeing them ponder and discuss the questions and the content we presented them. And seeing them and myself so in awe of our creator as we experienced an adventure that isn't always an option. I wish I could take you all out there so you can experience the absolute serenity and beauty of the sunshine coast/sechelt inlet. Next summer you all should go on a trip, you won't regret it!

I walked away from that experience wishing I had been able to guide more trips but so thankful I was at least able to be out that week. I know I have quite a bit more to learn and and I'm even more excited about the possibility of guiding the following summer and taking advantage of opportunities to paddle throughout the year.

A daily, lived - out, prayer ~

These last few weeks I have been contemplating my role here at Egmont (Sea Kayaking Base Camp). With my ankle injury I haven’t yet been able to guide a trip, and I have been restless in my physical limitation. Frustration with not serving in the way I had expected has also been rampant. My hope and desire for doing Beyond this summer hasn’t been fulfilled and it has been a struggle.
Part of my challenge in these remaining weeks is to be content in whatever circumstance or situation God has placed me. This is not easy for me as I always seem to want more; to be on an adventure. As has been shown in my life this past year, God doesn’t always make things easy, nor does he always give the desires of my heart, at least from what I perceive that phrase to mean. I am not able to control others and I am not always able to control life, it just happens. But, what I can control is myself and how I respond to others and to my circumstances. To be content in wherever I am placed; what a lofty concept and what a treasure to find joy and peace through wherever God takes me. I’m sure that through my ability to serve, love, and care, even in the difficult places, God will and can bless me with joy and a peace. That is a goal I strive for, and I believe it will be a life-long endeavor. I don’t believe full contentment in this world is possible. I think God wants all of us to constantly strive for Him. Another thing I am attempting to learn is how to truly love myself and to allow God’s love, whatever that looks like, infiltrate my soul. I read this today during my quiet time and found quite a bit of encouragement through the following words:

“Listen to Him, my children. He speaks to you, he teaches you in a thousand ways every day. Through the love of those who love you and live to help you, He touches you, and He speaks to you. In the sunrise and sunset, and in the moonlight, through the loneliness of the things that He has made, through the thousand joys that He plans for every one of you, through the sorrows that come too, in all these things, through all these things He who loved you unto death is speaking to you. Listen; do not be deaf and blind to Him, and as you keep quiet and listen you will know deep down in your heart that you are loved.”
~ Amy Carmichael

As I continually ponder everything that I am learning through conversations with others, through nature, and through what I am reading and processing, this is my constant prayer…..

I want this day to be a new day. I want to walk confidently in you, filled with your love. I want to be worthy, Lord, and to be filled with the knowledge that I am enough. Please Lord, fill me; overflow me with your love so I am able to love myself and others through my brokenness.
You have created me and know me completely. Through you I am known. I need you, more than I can ever fathom. My prayer is this: that even in the valley I can be filled by you and walk confidently knowing I am beloved; a Woman of God.

Long Overdue Update!!

Ok... I apologize for not frequenting this blog with more updates; I am apparently not the best blogger:)

So much has happened in the past month. After our Wilderness First Aid Class the first year guides drove up to Canada and joined the rest of the staff in Egmont BC to boat up to Beyond Malibu's base camp. What a simply rustic, but gorgeous place to be! I regret that I don't have many pictures of the mountain base camp, but hope to share a few pictures later.

Base camp was a good place to spend the first few weeks. It doesn't have electricity, only in the kitchen. It is right on the inlet, where most of us shower (there is only one shower and it is outdoors). The toliets or biffs are rustic porta-potties where one has no door and just has an amazing view of the forest... a bit surreal :) I enjoyed hanging out at base camp and getting to know the other guides and the base camp staff. It was hard work as we had a lot of projects and worked with our training groups to get ready for our training mountain trip, refered to as 10 day. I enjoyed helping out in the kitchen the most, and loved doing dishes as we usually sang.

Our 10 day trip was incredible. It consisted of three days of training at base camp going over the ministry aspect, how to guide spiritually and what it looked like to provide the bible study content. We also went over belay systems, how to pack a back pack, familiarized ourselves with our gear, and got to know our team. I was really nervous of our first day of our trip as many had talked about how strenuous the first day is with a climb of 5,000 feet with a 60-70lb backpack. I attempted to train beforehand but had injured my knee so the worry that my knee wouldn't make it was fore-most in my mind including my lack of endurance. That first day I did surprise myself and definitely endured. I had a bit of a fall after a stream crossing at the end of the day so once we hit the snow I was pretty tired. That backpacking trip was such a challenging experience for me! The sea kayakers weren't trained in a bunch of the stuff we needed to know for the trip so we attempted to learn as we went and the information at times was overwhelming. But I experienced so many amazing things. I learned to self-arrest on a rope team on a glacier, I tried to learn a few belay systems for snow, I hung in a crevasse, I went glacading, camped in the snow, and I summitted a mountain of 7,200ft! It was beautiful! The weather was interesting as it rained pretty hard for a few days, snowed a bit, and had some intense wind. But, I was able to experience so much and this opportunity was incredible. I hope I walked away with more knowledge of myself and of the mountains!

Soon after the sea kayak team headed back to Egmont where we are based. We embarked upon our 10 day training, which was a four day trip. That was a lot of fun, but difficult for me as well as I struggled quite a bit emotionally which in turn affected me physically. It was a good trip for us as guides to get to know one another, share life stories, and guide together.

Life at Egmont has been interesting. It is definitely a small community and a lot comes to the surface in this kind of environment. I didn't guide the first trip which was an all girls trip and stayed in Egmont with the guys; an experience in itself :) During this time, which was only five days ago I injured my ankle. Because of this I won't be going on the upcoming trip this week and will go to the doctor tomorrow to figure out the extent of the injury. This has been difficult for me as I realize the potential of me guiding many trips this summer is pretty minimal. I'm having a hard time resting my ankle as I want to partake in the community life here and not feel left out in the process. So, I am currently trying to figure out my role here and the lesson God is teaching me as I learn and try to rest and heal. I am hoping for a speedy recovery so that I am able to get on the water soon. I am anxious to be able to start the ministry portion of this summer, and want to be able to have the experience of guiding a trip and investing in participants lives.

I'm out!!!!

I'll do another post at the end of the month hopefully with pictures! Please pray for me as I'm going on an unexpected 7 day mountain trip in a few days with the Beyond Mountain Guides, and then after that we begin our 10 day training for sea kayaking. I also have a bum knee. But, I'm excited about these new challenges.

Here is a picture of a part of the Beyond team... This is the group of the first years at our WAFA - Wilderness First Aid Certification Course

This past weekend we had another Beyond training. The focus was on maps and compasses. I really struggled with this training in many ways. The first, with maps and compasses, as science and math aren’t easy subjects for me. I want to be able to fully understand and grasp the topic that is being taught to me. I haven’t felt those feelings of inadequacy since high school and it was difficult to revisit that. I regret not paying better attention to my science and math classes. In fact, my nose was constantly stuck in a book when it came to these classes. I was the girl who got de-merits and detentions for reading in class. Thankfully the Beyond people are incredibly nice and many offered to help me with the maps during our free time. When it came to our last scavenger hunt in the park I felt a bit better about it and walked away not feeling as frustrated.
These past few weeks I’ve really been struggling with not belonging. I guess my transition from Westminster has affected me more than I thought. Before I started attending Westminster I was in a very lonely place, and I worked really hard to build a community for myself. I grew quite a bit through the Westminster community. It’s been hard to suddenly be without that place of belonging. I’m also currently living alone, and that has had its good points, but also it’s bad points. I’m not part of a church community yet, and I don’t see my friends nearly as much as I had before. I really desire consistency in my life right now, but that seems to not be within my reach. When I look at my future and what I will do when Beyond is over, I realize I’m really scared. In a month and a half I’ll need to find a place to store my stuff, and a place to stay for a few weeks, and someone to take care of my cat. When I come back from Beyond I won’t necessarily have a place to live or any idea of what to do, what career path, or ministry opportunity I should pursue. It’s provided a lot of anxiety as I try to figure out the next step. What should I do? Should I look for a place to stay until I get my feet on the ground and stay in the Seattle area? Should I move back to California, go back to school, look for a job at a Christian camp somewhere, or should I move overseas and do missions? I’m looking to God to show me now, what the plan is. Apparently He’s not going to work that way.
I walked into the Beyond training carrying this and more on my shoulders. I didn’t want to be there and was even more frustrated that I still didn’t have that sense of belonging. Everyone wants to belong somewhere, right? And shouldn’t I rest comfortably knowing that eventually it will happen? Unfortunately, because I had all of the above floating in my head I didn’t put much effort into the weekend, and pretty much everything was amplified. In fact by the time I was driving home from the training weekend I was convinced that I shouldn’t do Beyond. I thought that all I could do in the situation was move back to California and attempt to figure out my life. I was thinking how in the world I could benefit this ministry and be open to God working through me if I wasn’t open to what God was doing in my life. I didn’t trust Him, and doubted my faith that God will provide, that He has a plan. Does He?
I went on a hike yesterday to find some kind of rest from all of these thoughts running around my head. It was a great afternoon for a hike. The trail was empty and I was the only one there. It was beautiful even in the pouring rain, simply amazing. I sat on a rock for a bit and just listened to the music playing on my ipod and enjoyed the scenery around me. I was reminded how I crave to be in these kinds of environments. I crave to be surrounded by nature and to come away from these excursions feeling refreshed with having a break from city life. I was confirmed again that doing Beyond is what God wants me to do. Right away all of my doubts went away and I was filled with the excitement for this summer’s ministry; to be challenged and experience God’s creation in a new and exciting way. I was completely overcome. The song Hosanna, by Hillsong was playing and the words impacted me...

“I see a generation Rising up to take their place. With selfless faith….I see a
near revival stirring as we pray and seek. We're on our knees…Heal my heart and
make it clean. Open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like you
have loved me. Break my heart from what breaks yours. Everything I am for your
kingdoms cause. As I go from nothing to Eternity…Hosanna in the
highest”

Over the weekend I was talking to someone who reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend a few months ago about Satan and how he manipulates. I was reminded again that when Satan sees a good thing he’ll do what he can to stop it. Satan understands the scope of this ministry and what God can do. If so, shouldn’t I be able to stand up to Satan and say “enough, I’m done, you can’t affect me!” I hope it works that way. But Jesus doesn’t promise that. He promises eternal life, and He assures us that He walks beside us. But Jesus doesn’t promise that life will be easy, and that we won’t struggle. I just hope the little glimpses I get of heaven will be enough. The bible does say that Jesus will give us the desires of our heart, but what exactly does that mean? I can constantly pray about my struggles, frustrations, and what I would hope my life to be. But that doesn’t mean that God will hear that and take away my pain and give me what I want. If that were to happen would I even need my Savior? Trust me, this is not a fun place to be, and I wish with all of my heart my life could be different. But I need my Jesus more than ever. I know I can’t do this alone, and I know as much as I struggle and doubt He walks beside me. So, I guess the fist step of faith I need to take is Beyond, and then the next step of faith is, well, I don’t know what that is right now. I’ve opened the first door and we’ll see what’s on the other side.
If I walk away from this weekend with a spiritual truth it would be faith, which is the assurance of things unseen. It’s like a compass march. You need to get to a certain point but it's unseen with many obstacles in the path. All you can do is take your bearings, trust God, and walk forward.

Beyond

I've never considered myself to be a blogger, but I believe I now have a good reason to have a blog!

For those of you that are supporting me financially and with prayer I wanted to have an avenue where I can update you on this summer's ministry and my preparation. Many of you have asked for pictures and to hear more about Young Life's Beyond Malibu. This blog will be great for that. (Beyond's website: www.beyondmalibu.younglife.org)

Most of you are aware of the recent happenings of the past few months of my life. I was laid off from Westminster and even though this experience has been difficult it's been exciting as God has opened doors and pushed me to do Beyond. I'm learning to be open to what God wants for me and not what I want from God; such a scary place to be but I've been blessed through it.

I will be spending this summer as a sea kayak guide for Young Life's Beyond Malibu. Beyond offers sea kayaking and mountain backpacking trips for those that want to experience the outdoors and in turn experience Christ.

I didn't realize how intense Beyond is. We've already had one training weekend and I believe four more to go before the summer starts. I'm really being stretched emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically, but I am excited and incredibly ready for this challenging adventure. I know that God has fueled this desire for a reason. Please pray for me as I take a step of faith and follow God's gentle prodding on my heart.